Why do I want to go the training? It’s a question not that common within the church but one that is always asked from without.
Why are you doing that?
Two years? That’s a big commitment!
Are you going to be a pastor or something?
Truly in the eyes of the world this decision is insensible and seemingly wasteful. However, as we all know, there’s one Person in this universe who is worthy beyond anything we could possibly dream of giving or paying. Our pouring ourselves upon is a powerful testimony of His peerlessness and beauty. Our hotness toward the Lord shows the world how fragrant He is to us.
As shared at NCT, lukewarmness is not terrible because it says something about us, it is truly terrible because it says something very false concerning the Lord.
Our lukewarmness declares to all those who meet us that the God we believe in is not worthy of everything we are and have and that He is only able to capture men in a limited and fragmented way. If we are to be Christians we must be absolute for Him. There is no middle ground, God can only operate through those who give all to Him.
Though we may understand this line of speaking doctrinally in an outward way we often have conflict within. I want to love the Lord absolutely but… I can’t do it. I’m not hot. I can’t pour out everything. I can’t be a testimony of the Lord’s sweetness. There is a sense of weakness and struggle. I struggle with this very much still but I am very glad that the Lord had mercy on me so I could make it thus far.
In my path to the training a few key experiences have helped me to have a desire and realize my need for the training.
1. God loves me with the deepest and most true love
In high school I only wanted one thing, respect from my friends. I wanted respect from my peers so very much – I even craved it. Music, sports, academics, everything, I wanted people to look at me and think “wow this guy is awesome, he’s good at everything he does.”
So I worked hard to become the best at whatever I was involved with. All I could think about was becoming the best. In the end I got nothing, I didn’t play varsity, I wasn’t a captain in the band, no one thought I was smart or capable, just that I had super strict parents.
Working for something I desired desperately but not being able to get it was crushing for me. All my struggle was treated of no worth, like the Lord was laughing at me, “he worked so hard but he’s not going to get anything.”
It really felt like the Lord was completely against me. The coach hated me, my parents restricted me, the other band members were so talented, nothing was going my way, why? I hadn’t done anything wrong, I just wanted respect.
I was busy with school but I still went to the meetings, I went to the summer school of truth and conferences, I was exercised, I was a good kid, what did I do to deserve this?
One afternoon my anger boiled over and I yelled quite audibly at the Lord releasing my anger and hurt. I just yelled and cried, yelled and cried. I got so mad at the Lord that He would take all these things away from me. He just cried with me.
After I was done He spoke to me in way I cannot really describe. I just came to realize that He had arranged all of my circumstances so that I would come to that point and call out to Him in my valley-like situation. Only then could He truly show me that He could be my everything.
He could share in all my suffering and in sharing in them He would also heal them. He could replace all the longings (emptiness) in my being by filling them with Himself as my true satisfaction and rest. All the piled up struggling of four years had been all washed away by an opening to Him. The release I gained was the greatest joy I had ever experienced.
I came to realize that the Lord was showing me that there would be more valley-like situations in my life but at the end of each one He would always be there for me. He arranges every situation so that He can dispense more of Himself into me which is the true gain and reward.
How I was perceived by my friends in high school no longer matters, but the Christ that I gained will never lose its value. If I was to trust anyone in this universe it would be Him. He will always be faithful to dispense Himself into my being because that is what really matters.
If I need comfort He will be my comfort, if I need peace He will be my peace, if I need hope He will be my hope. He is the greatest and all-inclusive reward and He loves us so much that He doesn’t cheat us with lesser things like the glory of men or a comfortable life. He wants to give Himself to us.
2. The world has nothing to offer me
Related to the first point, after I struggled so desperately for worldly reward and received nothing there but only Christ in my being, there was a clear realization that the world has nothing of value to offer me. I could work so hard and all that could amount to nothing if there was a coach that had a personal preference or another person just had more talent and time to practice (because he lived only for that one thing).
I could be placed around competitive and contentious people who would fight me endlessly not support. There is nothing guaranteed in return after our investment in the world. It is inherently unrighteous and unfair because the ruler of the world is the devil.
However, there is always a guarantee in our investment in God. He is righteous and He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. We must put away every encumbering thing and run after Him!
We may fall short or still be unperfected but as long as our goal is Him and Him alone He will guide us and reward us. We just need to pray genuinely, “Lord have mercy on me, I would always seek You and you alone. I may fail and go astray but always lead me back to Yourself so I would run desperately after You.”
If we pray in such a way our reward is secured. God is bound by His word. In the words of the famous song,
Give yourself to love the Lord.
No other way is so prevailing
And no other way, no other way is so safe. (full song here)
We must give ourselves to the Lord! No one can snatch us from His hand. His hand is the safest place in the universe. Everywhere else is full of peril and harm.
3. We are in the ministry that will end the age
This was shared by one of the the co-working brothers, I can’t remember who, but I was deeply struck by his word. He said (paraphrased),
This is the ministry of the age. Even if another man came along what would he speak? He would simply respeak everything that has been spoken by Brother Lee and Nee. Everything that is needed to end this age has been released, we simply need to practice them. If we do not the Lord will raise up another group of people who will treasure this ministry and practice it.
Do we believe this? If we truly believe this then we must carry it out. We must be trained under this ministry and perfected in all its speaking and instruction. For this I can imagine no better place than the full-time training. The Lord’s gift today is now within the brothers that He has entrusted to carry on this ministry.
If we desire to be useful to the Lord we must place ourselves under their perfecting and training. If we go our own way like Lot we may become defeated righteous men, men who are saved but unused, if we lack training and vision we may become those who help build the ark but never enter into it.
We must pray desperately for the experiences we need to enter into what the Lord is doing on the Earth today. In every age there is one place to be and one ministry to be under.
No doubt we are in the proper place, the ground of locality, and under the particular ministry, but how close to its center will we place ourselves? This is a matter of our offering and openness. The Lord desperately desires to place us in the center of His economy but we must rise up and cooperate with Him.
Lord Jesus we love You! We want to be in the center of Your economy! We are not content with being near the center or close to the peak, we want to be exactly where you are! We want to go all the way! Grant us a vision of Your purpose and gain us for it absolutely! We love You Lord Jesus with all we have and are! Thank You for choosing us! Our prayer is COME LORD JESUS! COME LORD JESUS COME!
Verses: Titus 2:11-12, Matt 26:8, Rev 3:16, Gal 1:15, Rom 8:28-39, Eph 3:19, 1 John 2:15-17, John 12:31, John 17:14-17, Heb 11:6, John 10:28-29, Acts 13:20, 1 Kings 6:1, 1 Cor 4:16-17, Matt 5:1, Exo 24:1-2, 2 Tim 2:2, Acts 26:19, Psa 110:3
Sharing by David T. (USA) from his experience with the Lord and what led him to the full time training.